April 8, 2015

To the mom who couldn't breastfeed...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you tried and had trouble and I'm sorry you were probably judged for it. 

I never understood why moms couldn't breastfeed. Before I had Prestyn I really had no idea. Other than the knowledge I had from attending monthly La Leche League meetings and reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. 

After I had Prestyn breastfeeding came so natural to both of us. Sure we had trouble in the beginning as we were both learning, but once we figured it out we were both golden! 

For 13 months I nursed Prestyn. I pumped once I started working, and she was always satisfied. I gave all the credit to the way I educated myself before she was born. 

Nearing the end of my pregnancy with Pierce I brushed up on my book, and felt comfortable doing this all over again. 

Once Pierce was born we tried nursing immediately with some skin to skin! I'm quickly learning what everybody told me about not comparing children is right! Instead of latching on just like Prestyn did he cried for the whole 2 hours we were in recovery. Nurses hand expressed colostrum from me into a cup then gave them to Pierce in a syringe. He took 5 of these! This boy was hungry! Weighing in at 8.3 when he was born I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. 

Well that hasn't changed! This boy can eat! He lost the typical amount of weight in the hospital even though he was nursing 24/7! When we left the hospital Pierce weighed 7.10. 2 days later we had an appointment with our pediatrician and he weighed 7.13! Yay! He was gaining weight! 

Our days and nights were rough. Pierce cried/screamed constantly!!! Anytime he was awake he was crying. And if he was sleeping it wasn't for long. He'd wake up crying. Nursing seemed to be the only way to keep him happy. But even that wasn't for long. He'd unlatch and cry! It was so sad. I cried with him! 

Something wasn't right. We thought he had all the signs of acid reflux minus the spitting up. We made an appointment with the pediatrician. They weighed him and he was 7.8. I immediately started crying. He was losing weight. 😢 

So this was of course a big concern for the dr who put acid reflux at the bottom of the list. I nursed him there at the dr and they weighed him again. He didn't gain! So then we knew he wasn't getting enough! 

The dr talked about options: I could pump to see how much I'm getting and give him that in addition to nursing or supplement. I'm still crying like a big baby. Since I didn't have any trouble nursing Prestyn this as especially had b

I literally cried the entire day. Not because formula is bad, but because I felt like I failed as a mother. I wasn't giving my baby what he needed. Not only did I feel like I failed him, but I felt like I was failing Prestyn too. 

That afternoon while I sat on the couch nursing Pierce and crying...Ryan and Prestyn were outside having a good ol time. Once Pierce was through nursing he still screamed and cried. I couldn't handle it anymore. So...I made him a bottle of formula and he gulped it down! He was full and happy. I was relieved. And my family was glad to have us be able join the fun! 

So back to the title here...to the mom who couldn't breastfeed. I get it now and I'm sorry I didn't before. For the sake of my sanity, Pierce's health, and my family's needs we have to supplement. And that's ok! Pierce will be just fine! 

So I'm  sorry for not understanding before. Now I do. And you do what you have to do! Do what's best for your baby first. And if momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy. So take care of you too! 

We're still working on a schedule which is another totally different ball game! I'll blog about that later and how supporting fits in. 😄 

Until then...here's some milk drunk photos to make you smile. 😊

1 comment:

  1. This is so honest and emotional, love it! Can't wait to meet little guy